In the face of the worldwide Coronavirus pandemic, schools are shutting down. Working parents (which is most of us) have to figure out what to do with the kids. Fears and uncertainty are running sky high. The economy is taking a downturn. We are worried about our elders contracting the virus and getting serious complications.

It’s enough to make the most stable, balanced, rock-solid person (like my husband) feel jittery.

I’m feeling more than jittery right now. Today, I’m dealing with a migraine, which makes me fight an urge to throw up and hide in a dark room, but instead, I’m using this vulnerability to write to you, darlings.

I want to encourage you to practice what I have preached for years, and what I have taught literally hundreds of women by now: if you want to tend to others, like your children, you have to tend to yourself first. Oxygen mask on yourself first, and all that.

Instead of shutting down your feelings, or denying them, or shaming yourself for having them, or disassociating from them, nor numbing them, why don’t you try this:

Turn towards your feelings. Breathe into your body. Take your time with this. Where are you feeling fear/anxiety/sadness/anger in your body? Breathe into it. All of you is welcome here. Put your hand on the area where you feel the feelings. Keep breathing and not judging the feelings. See if you can be tender here. No need to fix anything, no need to do this perfectly. Just be present with what you are feeling and welcome that all in.

Now ask yourself: What is this part of me saying? Listen to it. Keep breathing. Keep listening. No judgment, just breathe it in. This part of you might be saying “I’m scared! I’m super mad at the government! I don’t deserve to take care of myself if other people need me. I’m so tired!”

There you go, that’s good. Just keep naming these feelings and acknowledge them.

Now try this: Imagine yourself as a little kid. Imagine all the things you just named were  being told to you by a precious little girl you loved very much. Imagine her coming to you, the adult, with her big, wide eyes and cute braids, and she told you these things: “I’m scared. I’m mad. I don’t know what to do…”

What would you do with this little girl? How would you behave?

Would you say “Yup, kid, too bad, you’re screwed. And you shouldn’t be feeling this way, what’s wrong with you? And honestly, don’t bother me, I’m busy!”

I bet you wouldn’t do that.

I bet you would gather that little one up in your arms and give her a big hug. You would validate her feelings, you would tell her you are sorry that she’s feeling this way, you would tell her that you are right here with her, that she’s not alone, that you’ll take care of her.

Right?

So can you do that? Can you imagine this little girl is actually you, and can you give yourself the kind of tender, loving care you would extend to a scared little child?

Can you listen to that little one inside of you and ask her what she needs? Maybe she needs to go for a walk. Maybe she needs to take a bath. She might want to call a friend and connect. She might tell you to turn off the news, because it messes up her nervous system. She might want some alone time with a good book. She might need to cry.

Even if you can’t give her what she needs in the moment (because you have a baby who needs you right then, or because you are at work and can’t take a bath just then, or you can’t cry right now because you have to keep it together at the moment), you could just put your hand on yourself and whisper “I hear you, sweetie. I can see you need this right now.It’s okay, we’ll work it out. I love you and care about you.”

So, my dear darling? Let’s support one another in this radical care towards ourselves. Let’s live in a culture of treating our own self with special, tender loving support, because you deserve it, because you are so worthy of it.

I promise you that your bandwidth to care for others increases dramatically when you practice this consistently. It’s so worth it.

So keep living your life with an extra dose of self love and self care. Wash your hands often. Don’t touch your face (eyes, nose and mouth).

Stay safe! You are loved!