Would you do this to your best friend?
I’m walking through a moss-covered forest, brushing against Bracken Ferns that are as tall as I am. Every muscle in my body hurts. I feel vulnerable, and not just because sometimes cougars and wolves walk the same trails as I am right now. No, this vulnerability is of the teary kind, the bone-tired yearning for rest.
My husband and I rented an excavator to clear land on our property, and we’d worked our bodies to the max for three days. I have done manual labor like this without blinking an eye for decades, but I’ll be 46 years old in a couple of weeks, and I realize that my energy, stamina and grittiness aren’t what they were at 20.
I’m used to pushing myself hard, both physically and mentally. I am made from hard-working, tough German stock and was raised by parents whose hands were never, ever idle.
I’m used to pushing past the body signals that beg me to stop, to rest, to sit down for a spell. Worse, I learned to talk to myself very, very harshly.
When my body was tired or hurting, I would say to myself: “Come on, you lazy thing, suck it up and push through it. Rest is not an option.”
When I felt sad or depressed, I turned against myself with words like these: “What’s your problem? Stop being so whiny and get on with what you’re doing. Stop complaining.”
When I was scared or anxious, this inner voice yelled at me: “You shouldn’t feel this way. There’s no reason for you to be such a pussy.”
Do you ever talk to yourself this way?
This all changed dramatically when I discovered the Feminine Power work, which is now the modality I use to help other women transform their lives. Through these Feminine Power principles, I learned to become my own best friend and be the guardian of my own well-being.
I will never, ever talk to myself in such a mean way again.
So right now, as I’m walking on the sun-dappled forest path and feel tears welling up, I stop. I turn towards the sadness, feel into it, not to analyze it or explain it away, but to tend to the self inside of me that feels like crying. I sit on a clump of sun-warmed bark, and my little Shi Tzu immediately jumps on my lap and cuddles up to me. My other dog, a huge beauty named Raka, licks my ear.
Thusly surrounded by my canines, with birds singing above, the creek gurgling behind, wind ruffling my hair, I check in with that part of me who feels the grief. And I do what I learned in Feminine Power, I practice what I preach, and slowly, my heart softens, my nervous system relaxes.
I spend ten minutes leaned up against a tree and remember all the times I’ve used the same tools and techniques in other places: locked in a public bathroom stall, since that was the only place I could have a moment to myself to practice my Feminine Power tools, or in the middle of a crowded room at a party when I felt especially unsafe, or in my daughter’s bedroom tending to her at midnight while she was sick.
The tools and practices I learned and now teach are simple, yet hugely transformational. They have changed my life in so many ways, and have made me into a much more compassionate mother, wife and friend.
My question to you is: How do you talk to yourself? How do you respond to your needs?
Are you “should-ing” on yourself? Do you push your feelings down, berate yourself for them, beat yourself up, distract yourself, engage in addictive behaviours, reach for the tub of ice cream instead of feeling what’s going on inside of you, or work-work-work so you don’t have to deal with difficult emotions?
Would you talk to your best friend the way you talk to yourself? What would you say to your best friend if she came to you and cried? Would you tell her to stop and get on with it? Would you deny her the need for comfort, rest, a good cry?
So, darling, don’t use this as another reason to beat yourself up. But start being curious about how you relate to yourself, to your feelings and needs, and then ask yourself: ‘Would I treat my best friend like this?’
If you’re appalled at what you find out, maybe it’s time to learn how to be your own best friend. It’s such a better way to live in the world, I promise you.
And as always, if you want help with this, click here to —> schedule a free discovery coaching session with me <—
PS: If you want to be pampered while you explore all this stuff I talked about above, I want to invite you to my women’s retreat at our homestead in August. Find our more —> HERE <— !
