I picked up the phone at 3 am, while Easter morning hadn’t dawned yet, instantly awake. All I heard on the other end was panting. Then a pain-strangled voice: “It’s time for you to come.”
So I stumbled my way out of the dark bedroom where my husband softly snored, got into the car and navigated the primitive, windy, very dark road to my friend’s house. Her long-awaited phone call had summoned me in the middle of the night, so I could support her in labor and giving birth.
Just as I did with all my three children, my friend chose to give birth at home. We live at the edge of the wilderness, with the closest hospital an hour away, so it was extra important to have an experienced midwife and a birthing assistant (me!) to help. The midwife was the same midwife that delivered my own three children, and it was amazing to be present at this birth, where I didn’t do all the heavy lifting (or should I say pushing), got to watch the midwife work her magic, and witnessed my friend’s incredible strength, commitment and courage in birthing her baby naturally.
I’m still flying high from this. It was a difficult birth, with the baby positioned “sunny-side up”, and the poor Mama needing to work extra hard to get the baby out. But despite the intensity of it all, it was a beautiful, beautiful experience.
Dear Mama, let’s face it: giving birth is one of the hardest, splitting-apart, soul-bending experiences we women will ever have. Giving birth stretches us, literally, to our limits. It’s not only flesh and bones that are being stretched, but our minds, our limits, our stamina. It’s frigging hard.
For me, giving birth three times were the most spiritual, empowering experiences I have ever had, and watching my friend go through it just reinforced this feeling. I am so awed by us women. I am so deeply touched by the strength and reserve we have to find in the face of so much pain and seeming impossibility of getting that baby out of our body.
Whenever something hard happens in my life, something so big and difficult that I’m scared I can’t bear, I feel back into the space I was in when I birthed my babies. And I say to myself, “I could give birth, so I can do this as well.” And it’s true. There’s always deeper to dig, more reserves to be reached for, no matter how dire things seem.
Please let me say this: even if you didn’t have a home birth, or a natural birth, or even if things went wrong and you didn’t get to have the birthing experience you envisioned, you still grew a baby inside of you, got it out somehow, and have been nurturing it ever since it got born.
No matter what happened, you still created a being that relied on you for nourishment, nurturing and guidance.
Wow. It’s a big job, this mothering. It ain’t for the faint of heart.
I am proud of my friend, whose brow I wiped, face I stroked, and legs I supported when she pushed and pushed and pushed. I am proud of myself for the way I gave birth to my own babies. I am proud of you, too, no matter what kind of birthing experience you had, because the fact is: you are a mother. You are doing it.
One more thing: I am incredibly lucky to be married to a man who supports me 100 percent. He’s kind and sensitive and strong, and I wish that every woman had a man like mine by her side. He supported me during my labors, and he did it well.
Many men don’t know how to handle the intensity and helplessness they feel when their woman suffers, and when they can’t make it better for her. It’s hard for a man when she moans and yells during labor, when she tells him not to touch her in a particular way because she has to concentrate so hard during a contraction that she can’t stand anyone’s touch on her skin.
My husband was right there with me every single minute of labor, anchoring me to my body when the contractions threatened to sweep me away, communicating through his eyes the immense love he felt for me, even when I yelled at him not to breathe into my face.
I saw the same commitment on Easter morning, when my friend’s husband held her while she leant on him. The quality of his gaze and his commitment to be there for her was just as I had experienced years earlier with my husband.
When the baby was born and settled in with mama, he and I stepped out of the room to fetch some things, and I told him how well he did supporting his wife. He told me he felt like he didn’t help much, but I told him the truth: “You were her rock, and you were there when she needed you. Believe me, you made all the difference.”
So here’s to us, Mama! Here’s to our strength and resilience and willingness to do the work, even when it’s hard beyond anything we could have imagined.
Here’s to the people who support us, be it a husband, friend, sister, mother… no matter who we lean on, it takes a village.
Now it’s your turn: In the comments below, tell us about your birthing experience. What did you learn?
It is an incredible experience and it can’t really be described, only felt. One cannot tell a person who has not gone through it how it really feels and have them truly understand. The amazing thing is this: for every person you see there is a mother some where out there who gave birth to them. That’s a lot of bravery and fortitude! I really think it’s cool what you can do. My sister is a obstetrics nurse and I’m in awe of her, too!
It’s so true: no matter how much you describe the experience or how much you read about it, you’ll never truly understand until you go through it.
My nan-nan cured me of road rage as a young adult with a similar sentiment; She’d say, “That’s somebody’s mother, (or son, daughter).”. My mom was and is (besides God and Co.) the embodiment of unconditional love to me, and it has always really stuck to me. It’s a universal invitation to mercy and compassion to those who’ve given so much of themselves. God Bless!
This is such a deep shift of perspective and such a well of compassion, to see everyone as being someone’s mother (or relative to someone). Beautiful!
Giving birth is indeed very empowering. “I gave birth, I can do this” I’ve said to myself many, many times over the years. And also “being a mother is the hardest job I’ve ever done” – it really puts work into perspective when you think of how much you’ve already accomplished just being human lol.
No kidding, Tanya! I love this! We accomplish so much by merely being human!
I tried to go “natural” with no meds with my 1st.I did with my 3rd. My wonderful nurse was so excited to help me deliver with no drugs.It was the most excruiating, tearing burning pain id ever felt! Im glad I didn’t with my first. I tore inside and out with her humongous head. 15cm I believe! Ouchyy!I wouldn’t change the experience though of no meds. Hats off to the home birthers!
Amy, 15 cm!!!! Wow! You are amazing, Mama!
Today is my first born’s 22nd birthday! He is the first of 6 children. He and his sister were born in the hospital. Then the next 4 were born at home with just me, my husband, my mother and a friend. I think “there is no place like home” to have a baby! All 6 of the births were different just like all 6 of the children. I agree with Tanya and I also say that being a mother is the hardest job, but most important job there is! Also the most rewarding! The Scripture says that children are a reward and blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them!
Happy birthday, Ruth’s 22 year old boy! Yes, you are so right: being a mother is one of the hardest, but also THE ONE most rewarding job!
I loved reading this post Corina!!! What perfect timing as I am feeling really soft and tender right now, thinking about exactly one year ago when I was past my guess date and wondering when my little boy was going to be born. After successfully and healthily navigating an unexpected IUD pregnancy, there was no doubt that this little being was determined, vigorous, and would arrive earth side with a strong purpose. I was excited, nervous, and scared of the unknown, but also felt peaceful and calm knowing that I would soon meet my precious little blessing. Finally, after almost two weeks of time moving the absolute slowest I can ever remember, I went into labor while trying to eat lunch. My husband was taking bites of his food between contractions and getting our bags ready to head to the birth center. Almost instantly, my contractions were so close together I could barely get out the door. At first, the midwife was doubtful that I was in active labor until she saw me walk up to the birth center in my bathrobe. “oh my goodness!” she said, “she is birthing, call the backup nurse now.” After 3 short, but breathtakingly intense hours, Porter was born!!! Had it been any longer and I would not have had any energy left. I felt like I was hit by a truck! It was like sprinting a marathon, the results were the same, but I crossed finish line like a freight train. I have been a rock-climber and outdoor athlete my whole adult life, and giving birth was BY FAR the most physically difficult, satisfying and amazing feat I have ever accomplished. Within a few moments, the pain evaporated and pure contentment and euphoria spread over my whole body as I held my precious baby boy. I stayed in bed sleeping, nursing, and eating for at least 4 days after, it was pure bliss. I have never loved and appreciated my big, strong, tall body as much as I do after growing, giving birth to and feeding my son, who will be one year old next week!!! I had so much support from my amazing husband, my doula, my midwife, the nurses, and my family and friends. I wish that every woman could feel so supported and loved around her birth. I feel so fortunate to live in a day and age where women are given so many choices around birth. No matter how a birth happens, what matters is that the woman feels safe, supported and respected. A friend recently asked me, “why do we women have to suffer? with our periods, cramps, PMS etc…” my response was “because we have the privilege of being mothers.”
Brandie,
I’m crying reading this! I could read birth stories all day long. They are so very special and important and such rites of passage. Thanks for sharing yours with us!
Lucky enough to experience having my two babies at home. We had doulas at both births, both nabies were born in water…but they were such different labors. James’ birth was an all-day affair and my body gradually worked its way into deep labor. The midwife arrived and found I was fully dilated and finally I could get in the birth tub. Once in the tub (my hubby was concerned our labor was going backwards because I became so much more calm). Almost instantly I was able to focus and harness the energy of labor and James was born within an hour. His head was birthed and on the next contraction, he turned and opened his eyes under water! 5+ years later, along came little sister. It was my last half day at work before I went on maternity leave and I finished work and went and got my mom to take her to lunch. (We live in Shelton and my mom lived then in Olympia which is where I was working at that time.) My hubby happened to be working in Oly that day. As we were finishing lunch I started to feel odd…not at all how I had felt when in labor before, just lots of feeling like I had to pee (pressure). My mom convinced me to page the midwife and have them check me before I headed home. I got to there office and was fully dilated…I wasn’t going to be able to make it home to my rented birth tub so I asked my mom if I could use her bathtub…45 minutes later, Sadie had arrived. She popped the bag of waters with her shoulder on the way out! I have never felt so strong and able in my whole life. I also felt pretty high on endorphins and super connected to all the women who had ever and will ever give birth! Whew!
What a beautiful birth story, and how different they are from each other! I totally understand what you are saying about feeling connected to all the women who ever had or will give birth!
I agree wholeheartedly! I didn’t have the experience I wanted, but looking at my beautiful baby boy, it doesn’t matter. He’s here and growing strong. My water broke 6 days before Christmas last year…at 26 weeks. I was in the hospital on bed rest with a 23/7 fetal monitor for 2 weeks before my placenta started bleeding and my little boy was born via emergency c-section. He weighed 2lbs 10oz and was only 9.8″ long. We spent the entirety of what would have been the 3rd trimester in the NICU. But he is a fighter and blew the doctors away with how strong he was. He finally came home April 7th and he’s weighing in at almost 9lbs (21.5″ long). My amazing husband has been my hero through all of this. I’ve always been an independent woman, but having his love and support keeps me calm everyday and reminds me that I can do this mama thing. No matter how scary it gets, I can do it!
Tiffany, what an amazing journey you have been through. I am so glad that everything turned out well, and that you had such amazing support. It sounds like your little one (or not so little one at this stage!) is a true fighter! So happy for you!
I, too, enjoy birth stories. I gave birth at home to my three children. The first was 35 years ago. At that time, you were kind of considered “weird” to be doing home birth. And even better for me, my own dear sister was my midwfe and delivered all three of my children. There is nothing like it and although at age 60, I won’t be having any more children, I wish I could experience it once more.
Awwww, how special to have your sister deliver your babies!