Three punches in the gut, how my life changed, and what that has to do with you

Three punches in the gut, how my life changed, and what that has to do with you

by | Nov 23, 2018 | self care | 4 comments

Not to be melodramatic, but this might be the most important blog post I’ve ever written. It’s life and death stuff. See? Sounds scary, right?

Well, it IS scary, and the reason you haven’t heard from me in a long time is because I’ve been submerged in fear and anxiety, wrestling with those suckers, coming up for air now and then, only to be dragged under again.

In September, I went to my gynaecology checkup, where I felt punched in the gut and hit with a hammer on the head three times in the span of 15 minutes.

The first gut puncher: some of my symptoms indicated that I needed a screening for uterine cancer. Since one of my friends just died of cancer in her nether regions, this news initiated noisy alarm sirens in my head.

The second: a lump in my breast that I was urged to follow up on.

The third: after listening to my heart, my doctor looked at me gravely and told me that I needed to see a cardiologist. Immediately. She had never heard such a wonky heart beat as mine.

Now I don’t know if you know this about me, but I always considered myself super healthy, fit and invincible. You know, hardy German stock. I have very, very rarely gone to the doctor during my 46 years of life.

And now, I was faced with three scary scenarios, including procedures, interventions, and medical specialists.

My first thought: What the fuck?

My second: What if this is serious? What if I die? What about my kids?

All my life, I have pictured myself being old while climbing mountains, shovelling great wheelbarrow loads of goat manure, gardening, holding workshops, teaching, and happily sitting in my rocking chair and knitting sweaters for my numerous grandchildren at the end of the day – white haired, my face sun-kissed, weathered and wrinkled, but vibrant. Healthy.

The three scary health scenarios I got hit with at my doctor’s office didn’t fit into that vision.

After stumbling out of her office with referrals to a cardiologist, breast clinic and a uterine scraping appointment, I got into the car with my husband and broke down crying. I was very, very scared, very, very confused, and it didn’t help that now I really noticed my heart beating erratically and thumping out of my chest.

Have you ever got hit over the head with a 2 by 4, received news that brought you to your knees, asked the question “Why me?” and “Why now?”? Have you ever looked at your children and wondered what their lives would be like if you died?

In the days and weeks following my diagnosis, I didn’t ask “Why me?”, but instead I asked “Why did this happen now?”

I realized that it happened because I do what many of us women do: over-work, over-give, run on adrenaline, and not make ourselves a priority.

If you are tempted to stop reading this right now, because you think I will give you a lecture on self-care, or making yourself a priority, and you know this will never happen for you, I have news for you, sister:

What does it take for you to take your symptoms seriously? Your symptoms could be disease, anxiety, depression, exhaustion, or anything else that has been a pattern for you and creates negative impact.

Will you only pay attention when you get cancer? When you feel suicidal? When you can’t sleep or function in the world?

I ask this with a lot of love, not to shame you or lay blame.

Here’s what I did:

I realized that I’ve been running on adrenaline all my life. This summer was especially busy and emotionally hard. I recognized that I do more now and that I juggle more balls in the air than I did when I was 20. I admitted that I have a pattern of hustling for worthiness, trying to prove to myself and others that I deserve to be alive/take up space, that I’m good enough by doing, doing, doing, achieving, achieving, achieving, hustling, hustling, hustling.

And the hardest thing to admit: I can’t keep going like this, nor do I want to.

So I sold my goats, talked deeply with my husband about our priorities, and spend hours knitting on the sofa and by the river in the sunshine. For the first time in my life, I spent hours just being, without accomplishing anything. No guilt. No shame. No blame.

I won’t lie. It was hard at first. But the more my nervous system calmed down, the better I felt.

And here’s the miraculous thing: opportunities opened up. By me not being constantly busy, amazing things came into my life. One of them was a job opportunity with Feminine Power, the coaching organization I have been studying with (I am now one of their professional program specialists).

Now let me ask you this:

Do you know where your life is out of balance? Have you felt burnt-out, trapped, that things are wrong in your life? Have you pushed that feeling down for years? Have you felt that it is not possible for this to change?

I know how this feels, I really do. But enough is enough. I got my wake-up call. Have you gotten yours yet?

I hope you don’t have to get sick, depressed or burnt-out to get this message:

You are worthy. You are good enough just as you are. You deserve to take care of yourself and meet your needs. In fact, it is imperative. I give you permission to put yourself first. Can YOU give yourself permission to do that?

Here’s some good news:

My uterus is fine. I’m just navigating perimenopause, with lots of weird changes.

My boobs are great (saggier than ever, but just fine).

My heart is fine, too. The cardiologist said there’s nothing structurally wrong, and the irregular heartbeats are quite common with stress, not dangerous, and just a nuisance.

Phew!

What a wakeup call. I am grateful for it, but I don’t wish that sense of drowning in fear on anyone.

Now back to you: Are you sick of muddling through this stuff alone?  Do you need support?

I’m here for you.

I am accepting a very limited number of free discovery sessions (45 minutes long) to see if I can help you and support you with my seven week program.  It has changed many women’s lives for the better (you can read their testimonials here <—), and with this health scare under my belt, I am now even more equipped to help you navigate scary waters.

Book a free session

Would you do this to your best friend?

Would you do this to your best friend?

by | Jun 1, 2018 | self care

I’m walking through a moss-covered forest, brushing against Bracken Ferns that are as tall as I am. Every muscle in my body hurts. I feel vulnerable, and not just because sometimes cougars and wolves walk the same trails as I am right now. No, this vulnerability is of the teary kind, the bone-tired yearning for rest.

My husband and I rented an excavator to clear land on our property, and we’d worked our bodies to the max for three days. I have done manual labor like this without blinking an eye for decades, but I’ll be 46 years old in a couple of weeks, and I realize that my energy, stamina and grittiness aren’t what they were at 20.

I’m used to pushing myself hard, both physically and mentally. I am made from hard-working, tough German stock and was raised by parents whose hands were never, ever idle.

I’m used to pushing past the body signals that beg me to stop, to rest, to sit down for a spell. Worse, I learned to talk to myself very, very harshly.

When my body was tired or hurting, I would say to myself: “Come on, you lazy thing, suck it up and push through it. Rest is not an option.”

When I felt sad or depressed, I turned against myself with words like these: “What’s your problem? Stop being so whiny and get on with what you’re doing. Stop complaining.”

When I was scared or anxious, this inner voice yelled at me: “You shouldn’t feel this way. There’s no reason for you to be such a pussy.”

Do you ever talk to yourself this way?

This all changed dramatically when I discovered the Feminine Power work, which is now the modality I use to help other women transform their lives. Through these Feminine Power principles, I learned to become my own best friend and be the guardian of my own well-being.

I will never, ever talk to myself in such a mean way again.

So right now, as I’m walking on the sun-dappled forest path and feel tears welling up, I stop. I turn towards the sadness, feel into it, not to analyze it or explain it away, but to tend to the self inside of me that feels like crying. I sit on a clump of sun-warmed bark, and my little Shi Tzu immediately jumps on my lap and cuddles up to me. My other dog, a huge beauty named Raka, licks my ear.

Thusly surrounded by my canines, with birds singing above, the creek gurgling behind, wind ruffling my hair, I check in with that part of me who feels the grief. And I do what I learned in Feminine Power, I practice what I preach, and slowly, my heart softens, my nervous system relaxes.

I spend ten minutes leaned up against a tree and remember all the times I’ve used the same tools and techniques in other places: locked in a public bathroom stall, since that was the only place I could have a moment to myself to practice my Feminine Power tools, or in the middle of a crowded room at a party when I felt especially unsafe, or in my daughter’s bedroom tending to her at midnight while she was sick.

The tools and practices I learned and now teach are simple, yet hugely transformational. They have changed my life in so many ways, and have made me into a much more compassionate mother, wife and friend.

My question to you is: How do you talk to yourself? How do you respond to your needs?

Are you “should-ing” on yourself? Do you push your feelings down, berate yourself for them, beat yourself up, distract yourself, engage in addictive behaviours, reach for the tub of ice cream instead of feeling what’s going on inside of you, or work-work-work so you don’t have to deal with difficult emotions?

Would you talk to your best friend the way you talk to yourself? What would you say to your best friend if she came to you and cried? Would you tell her to stop and get on with it? Would you deny her the need for comfort, rest, a good cry?

So, darling, don’t use this as another reason to beat yourself up. But start being curious about how you relate to yourself, to your feelings and needs, and then ask yourself: ‘Would I treat my best friend like this?’

If you’re appalled at what you find out, maybe it’s time to learn how to be your own best friend. It’s such a better way to live in the world, I promise you.

And as always, if you want help with this, click here to —> schedule a free discovery coaching session with me  <—

PS: If you want to be pampered while you explore all this stuff I talked about above, I want to invite you to my women’s retreat at our homestead in August.  Find our more —> HERE <— !

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Do you need a laugh?

Do you need a laugh?

by | Apr 24, 2018 | self care | 0 comments

Every single person I know has been feeling more overwhelmed than usual. I figured you’d be feeling it as well. Yup, me too.

And since I haven’t written a blog post here for way too long, I’m popping in to reach out to you. I’m on my second cup of coffee, sitting on the porch with my dog snuggled up by my feet, a soft wind tousling our hair, and real spring warmth in the air.

Today, I called a strike, mostly on myself. I’ve been pushing way too hard, working too much, not letting my brain turn off. So after writing this, I’m gonna let the laundry sit where it sits, the dishes piled up in the sink, emails un-answered, and I’ll get on my bike and head up the hills.

How do you know when you’ve had enough and you need to call a strike?

Here’s how I know:

✷ I start feeling depressed
✸ I have a hard time sleeping
✸ I snap at my kids and husband
✸ I break out in tears when my kids tell me they are having a track meet on the weekends, because you know what? I just want to be home and not drive anywhere anymore. Ever.

Yesterday evening after my husband came home from work, we took the goats out to pasture and just sat there in the sun, with our youngest kid on our laps, joking, laughing, and sharing a beer.

I realized that my insides had felt like they were coiled up like a snake, and slowly, the tension began to unwind.

We started making faces, and I might have peed myself laughing.

So here’s what I want to ask you:

Where have you been pushing too hard in your life? What can you do to give yourself permission to take a break? Can you find someone whose face you can squish and laugh your butt off? Can you smoosh up your own face in the mirror and let yourself crack up?

I’m just saying, darling: Things are very tense out there in the world, and we get bombarded with so much seriousness every day… We gotta let ourselves just hang with the goats, drink a beer, and laugh. And if you don’t have goats, find something else that makes you happy.

Because you deserve a break.

And if you want help looking at why you are having a hard time in your life, just schedule a free coaching session HERE and let me hold your hand and support you!

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What’s up with all the intensity lately?

What’s up with all the intensity lately?

by | Aug 14, 2017 | self care | 0 comments

Dear Mama,

Have you been feeling all the intensity lately?  Lots of deep emotions, strong feelings, crazy reactions are floating around.  I’ve been experiencing lots of this, my clients have, too and I wonder if you’re in the same boat as well.

In my latest episode of The Mama Show, I explain what’s up and what you can do to stay more balanced.  It’s a short one, but powerful.

Watch it here!

Sending you lots and lots of love!

xoxo
Corina

The reason you haven’t heard from me in a while

The reason you haven’t heard from me in a while

by | Jul 20, 2017 | retreats, self care | 4 comments

 

Dear Mama,

Do you wonder why you haven’t heard from me in a while?

Here’s why: on top of life being very intense on many levels, my computer broke down.

So I did what  good life coach would do: dig in, feel and explore all the feelings that have been coming up, take care of myself, and transform.

And transform I did. I feel like I’ve been in a chrysalis, where the caterpillar turns to mush before it emerges as a butterfly.  It’s been hard, but also incredibly good for soul growth.

Also, I made a new episode of my “Mama Show” series, to talk about some of this and give you some support and inspiration if you’re also feeling all this intensity, but guess what?

My computer broke.  Yup, it broke, and I lost everything I had on it, including the project I’ve been working on for y’all.

So that was another reason I had to allow myself to be turned into caterpillar/butterfly soup inside of my little cocoon.

It’s all good though, truly, because I have the tools and the support I need to navigate these stormy waters, and I’m so glad for them (for the tools and support, not the stormy waters).

If you need support, please talk with me. Book a free session to see how I can help.

In the meantime, I want to remind you of the most important thing right now:

Self care, self care, self care.

I wrote a blog post last year about making rose water for a nurturing bath in the tub, and it’s so super easy that I want to share it with you here.  My roses have been blooming their little butts off here at our homestead, so it’s perfect time!

Read the blog post here.

So, darling, as always: be kind to yourself, especially in these crazy times with all this intense energy hitting us.

Much love,

Corina

PS: There’s still time to sign up for our “NOURISH YOUR SOUL” retreat at our homestead in August!

Happy Mother’s Day – and every day is mother’s day!

Happy Mother’s Day – and every day is mother’s day!

by | May 14, 2017 | self care | 2 comments

Dear Mama,

Happy Mother’s day!!!

I have a tiny little bit of a prejudice about Mother’s Day.  I believe that we should celebrate the momentous task of motherhood every day – not with flowers and chocolate, but with acknowledging ourselves, by giving ourselves breaks, by attending to self care.

Here is a blog post I wrote about this a couple of years ago, where I also talk about the shitty myth of martyrdom, where we women thing we need to sacrifice our own needs for the needs of our family.

Click here to read it.  Plus, there are baby goat pictures, so how could you resist?

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