My husband Steve and I have been married for 25 years. Nobody ever told us how hard it is to stay connected! And then you throw raising three kids in the mix… running businesses together… menopause throwing a wrench into EVERTHING… Arghhh!!!
I wish we’d known about Terry Real decades ago.
If your relationship feels off… the spark is gone… you’re healing from a breakup… or you want to do things differently next time – you need to keep reading.
Terry is one of the most sought-after couples therapists in the world. A session with him costs thousands. I read his books and took his workshops, and then I trained with him and got mentored by him, because once I applied his relationship methods to my marriage, it got saved. And I wanted to learn how to do this for others.
Today, I want you to get his best relationship advice for free – how to fight the right way, what never to bring into an argument, and how to get what you want without blowing things up.
It’s an episode where Mel Robbins interviews Terry. This episode will change the way you show up in your love life – whether you’re in a relationship, healing from one, or hoping to find the right one. If your relationship feels stuck, if the spark is gone, if you’re always the one apologizing, or if you’ve been shutting down to avoid conflict, or you just wish things were a little bit better, you are not alone.
“What you’ll learn here will completely transform how you love and how you’re loved in return.
In this episode, Mel is joined by one of the most powerful voices in modern therapy: Terry Real. Terry is a bestselling author, renowned couples therapist, and the founder of Relational Life Therapy. His private clients are some of the most famous people in the world – and in this episode, you’re getting his most transformational insights for free.
This conversation is raw, practical, and packed with tools that will open your eyes and your heart. Mel shares vulnerable moments from her own 29-year marriage to her husband Chris, and Terry brings the kind of clarity that instantly changes how you think about yourself, your partner, and what love really requires.
You’ll learn:
-What to do when you’re the one who always gives
-The mindset shift that makes real intimacy possible again
-What to say when your partner shuts down, withdraws, or ignores you
-How to hold someone accountable without turning it into a fight
-Why most fights aren’t about what you think they’re about
-And the habits that every successful relationship has in common This is a total reset on how you think about love, conflict, and connection.
If you’re tired of repeating the same arguments, feeling unseen, or wondering if things will ever change, this conversation shows you how to break the cycle and build the kind of relationship you didn’t think was possible.”
Watch it and then let me know what you think.
And if you need help with your marriage, reach out, because I don’t charge thousands. 🙂
If you ever need help and support or want to dive deeper, I invite you to schedule a free discovery session with me!
Schedule a free discovery session
I work with couples and individuals, either in person or on zoom. Are you ready to embrace the life you were meant to live? Are you ready to have a beautiful, fulfilling relationship? With my guidance, you can break free from the chains of painful patterns and step boldly into your purpose and mind-blowing connection. Together, we will navigate the path to your authentic self, transforming challenges into stepping stones for growth. Your journey to empowerment and deep intimacy starts here.
A lot of the transformational work I do with my coaching clients is around their childhood. Some of us know that the way we were raised messed up our capacity to have healthy relationships in adulthood. But many people tell me their childhoods were just fine, thank you very much, and they don’t really understand how the way they were raised keeps them from having intimate, close relationships now.
It took me many years to realize that I suffered from trauma, like so many of us do. A lot of my clients experienced trauma, too, often without being conscious of it. Many people think that trauma has to be Capital T Trauma – something terrible that happened to us, like severe abuse, death of a parent, or other horrific events. The truth is, small t trauma can be just as scarring: turning to a parent and not getting comforted, for example, or getting shamed, or being falsely empowered and parentified by a caregiver.
I always wondered why I had such a hard time connecting with people, why I never felt safe in relationships. Only as an adult did I recognize the impact that trauma had on me, and how I was shaped by the way my parents raised me.
My mother suffered from depression and most likely personality disorder – something I realized much later when I studied these things as an adult. I’m not surprised that she was an unloving, harsh, un-nurturing woman, because she was raised by parents who had lived through terrifying wars – my grandfather fought at the violent front at age 18, where he witnessed (and probably committed) untellable acts. Whenever we grandkids asked him about the war he broke out into tears and refused to talk for days.
My mother’s Mom was 15 years older than my grandpa and spent the war years in heavily bombed Berlin, where she raised an older daughter and lived a sketchy life as a “loose woman” (something my family never defined for us kids).
My mother sometimes told us stories of living in one smallish house with her parents and their many siblings, where she had to hide knives because her Dad and his brother tried to kill each other in drunken rages. Even as a little kid, I knew my grandfather had murder in him – he was known as an axe murderer in our neighborhood, having killed his dog and beloved pigeons with an axe when he was drunk. He kept telling us little kids that one day, he’d like to kill his wife, too.
So you see, this is a pretty heavy family legacy… No wonder my mother didn’t fare well. My father wasn’t any better in the nurturing and emotional availability department. He was a militaristic, strict patriarch who doled out collective punishment for his four daughters, ordering my mother to spank all four of us if one did something wrong. It didn’t help that initially I was the good and perfect one, but I still got hit… (Enter my intense rebellion as a teenager later.)
I’m not sharing this to elicit sympathy or shock, but rather to show you that we all deal with our own personalized pile of family history crap, and we can make choices to heal and grow from our experiences. But first, we have to explore our chidlhoods and how they impacted us.
Here’s a helpful resource I just listened to myself. It’s a Mel Robbins podcast episode exploring four signs of emotionally immature parents and how to heal. It’s excellent:
I hope it will get you started on thinking about what kind of parents you had, and how that impacted you.
If you found this episode helpful and would like to explore how the way you were raised impacted you, holds you back now, and if you want to move forward and transform your life, feel free to reach out to me and schedule a free coaching session.
If you ever need help and support or want to dive deeper, I invite you to schedule a free discovery session with me!
Schedule a free discovery session
I work with couples and individuals, either in person or on zoom. Are you ready to embrace the life you were meant to live? Are you ready to have a beautiful, fulfilling relationship? With my guidance, you can break free from the chains of painful patterns and step boldly into your purpose and mind-blowing connection. Together, we will navigate the path to your authentic self, transforming challenges into stepping stones for growth. Your journey to empowerment and deep intimacy starts here.
Have you ever had to make a decision or figure out a next step, and then ending up obsessing about it, second-guessing yourself, being paralyzed out of fear of making the “wrong” decision, or analyzing til the cows come home and not feeling good about it?
Ahhh, yes, I can relate. I used to “should” on myself and make a lot of my decisions from my intellect and rationality, rather than listening to my heart and intuition. I ended up regretting a lot.
Once I learned to unlock my intuition and lead my life connected to it, miracles and a whole new way of manifesting opened up for me!
I’ve helped many coaching clients with this, with amazing results, and that’s why I recorded a guided meditation for you to get a glimpse of this process. You can use this meditation to get in touch with your deepest desires and your next steps.
If you ever need help and support or want to dive deeper, I invite you to schedule a free discovery session with me!
Schedule a free discovery session
I work with couples and individuals, either in person or on zoom. Are you ready to embrace the life you were meant to live? Are you ready to have a beautiful, fulfilling relationship? With my guidance, you can break free from the chains of painful patterns and step boldly into your purpose and mind-blowing connection. Together, we will navigate the path to your authentic self, transforming challenges into stepping stones for growth. Your journey to empowerment and deep intimacy starts here.
I want to tell you something really, really vulnerable, and it’s scary for me to share this here. But I feel like I NEED to share it. And I’m telling you not so that you’ll feel sorry for me, but for a specific reason, and you’ll see in a minute why.
Ready? Okay… Deep breath… Here it goes:
My childhood was pretty rough. I grew up in a house where our grandparents lived with us, and my grandfather was literally an alcoholic axe murderer. He had killed several of his pets in a rage, and he kept threatening to kill his wife, our grandma. I was and still am a very sensitive soul who picks up on everyone’s feelings, so you can imagine how my nervous system was on high alert all. the. time.
My mom and dad had four children within six years when they were still very young, and they were super overwhelmed and financially struggling a lot. My mom was depressed, distant and bitter, and my dad was unpredictable and controlling. I can’t remember either of them ever hugging me or telling me they loved me.
I was always a “good girl”, bringing home straight A’s and excelling in sports, but I never got praised for it. In fact, I got criticized frequently for anything that was less than perfect. And even though I was good and obeyed all the rules, whenever one of us four kids (all girls) did anything wrong, my father beat all four of us. This was supposed to build character.
I could tell you story after heartbreaking story, but I don’t think I need to. You get the picture.
As a result of all these experiences, I believed in my bones that I am never good enough, that I am not worthy, that I am not wanted, and that I am not safe. These beliefs have been core wounds of mine that cut very, very deep, and they created destructive and painful patterns in my life.
And this is why I’m sharing this with you: If you have some of these same core wounds, you know how devastating it feels when you are being attacked or shamed by someone, or when you don’t feel appreciated or valued. You know how incredibly painful it is when you feel that you are not wanted or don’t belong.
This last week, I felt attacked and shamed by someone I trusted. You know that feeling when you are really triggered, like you are gut punched? I swear, when that person confronted me with her wagging finger (just like my parents used to do), I literally felt my face burning with shame. It turned beet red, and I wanted to disappear in the earth. Or start throwing punches and attacking with a vengeance.
I’ve talked with many of my coaching clients who have had these experiences of being triggered, being emotionally or psychically gut punched. In the aftermath of that, it can literally feel like you are crazy or losing your mind, right? It’s the worst feeling!
We believe what the other person is saying about us is true, because this is what we learned when we were little. See? I am indeed not good enough, I am indeed not worthy, I am not wanted, and I am sure as hell not safe.
And then maybe there’s another part of you that doesn’t believe it, or that pushes back against it.
But it’s all just such a big balled-up mess, all smooshed together, and it’s painful, and it’s shameful, and it’s heartbreaking, and it’s confusing, and sad, and depressing, and hopeless, and it pisses you off, and you feel like you are going nuts.
And this is why I’m sharing this with you: There is actually a way out of this! Read on.
For me, in the past during the scenario where that person attacked me, I would have gone down a terrible shame spiral, and then I would have either hidden and felt completely resentful and not ever extended myself to someone again, hidden my light and played small.
Or I would have puffed up like a gladiator and wanted to beat the shit out of them. Not really, but you know what I mean? I would have attacked them with my words, yelled, cut them off and tried to get back at them, or completely severed the relationship.
That would have created a whole other mess and not worked in the long term.
Instead, I was able to calm myself down. I was able to stay more objective and see what was really going on. I didn’t blow up the relationship with this attacking person. I then reached out for support from people I trust, and they were able to mirror back to me the truth, which was immensely helpful. This way of showing up left my self worth and self esteem intact instead of destroying it. In fact, it got strengthened through this whole ordeal.
And this shift, this transformation is something everyone can learn. If I, the damaged, messed up Corina, can learn it, you can, too. I have immersed myself in the work of transforming my old beliefs and painful patterns for a while now, and I’ve created amazing, almost miraculous results because of it.
But I couldn’t do this by myself, and chances are if you are reading this, you can’t either. And there’s nothing wrong with that! We all need support, we need accountability, we need tools and practices and a system.
I would absolutely love to support you and teach you this system. It’s actually a step-by-step process that’s incredibly effective and powerful.
It has been a long time since I posted a blog here. It’s because 2020 kicked my ass more than any other year, except maybe that time when I was a teenager and got banned from our house by my father.
Anyway, back to 2020: it started with some heavy duty marriage trouble in January. It continued with our decision to leave our beloved homestead in the wilderness and move closer to civilization. We purchased a house in the Skagit Flats, and while we moved and cleaned and organized and tried to find renters, Covid hit full force.
At the same time, my life coaching job with Feminine Power heated up, where I rose to the top, serving as the senior coach for famous icons like Jean Houston in her Influencer’s Masterclass, and Claire Zammit’s Coaching/Facilitation/Leadership trainings.
So here I was, holding space for clients, while also juggling three kids at home who needed to navigate homeschooling in a different district.
Then our renters quit, and we decided to sell our homestead. Things heated up even more. I’ll spare you the details. It was all very, very intense. During all this time, I got felled by migraines regularly that had me throw up for 12 hours straight.
Fun stuff.
All to say: I bet 2020 wasn’t a cake walk for you either. In fact, most of the hundreds of women I talked with over the past year have felt isolated, alone, stressed out, confused, afraid, super pissed, hopeless and at the end of their rope.
I want to validate what a difficult year this has been for most of us.
Before I get into that, I want to name another thing that I’ve been hearing over and over from many of you. These times of Covid have forced many of us to really ask ourselves: Why am I here? Why am I on this planet, in this body, at this time in human history? What is my purpose here? What is my destiny? What is mine to do? You might be feeling the pull that there is something else out there for you.
Are you feeling that, too? And are you asking yourself at the same time: “How the hell am I supposed to figure that out?” You have no idea where to start. You are stuck, and that leaves you even more depressed and frustrated.
Here’s the good news: You can transform these feelings that keep you stuck and feeling powerless, and you can have the guidance, structure and support to take steps towards your destiny and purpose.
I know this because I LIVE It every day: despite all the intense stuff that has been happening, I’ve actually flourished. I feel like I’m in the center of my calling and my destiny, by supporting women like you. I am using the same tools and practices that I teach every single day for myself, and it has helped me not only survive, but thrive.
And here’s where the solution comes in: My dear, beloved friend Lindsay (licensed psychotherapist, wilderness guide and grief counselor) and I are offering a ten week online group coaching course to help you break through inner barriers, completely transform your life and fully step into your destiny.
We would love to be your coaches and mentors and guide you on the journey that’s necessary to grow yourself into the amazing woman you came into this world to become.
We are going to do that by teaching you the Feminine Power Framework that I personally used and have used with hundreds of clients with amazing results. When I learned this framework 11 years ago, just like we’ll teach in our ten week course, my life was un-recognizable afterwards.
11 years ago, I was in a really bad place: burnt out, depressed, hopeless… I felt like I should be happy, because I had a great husband, 3 wonderful kids, and a beautiful homestead and animals. I felt guilty for feeling so unsatisfied. I always felt that there was more to life than “just” my family, and I felt guilty for feeling that. When I started this Feminine Power work, I became aware of these old, limiting stories I lived life inside up until that time: that I’m not good enough, not wanted, not worthy. My life kept reflecting this back to me on many levels, and I couldn’t get traction in my life.
Inside of this Feminine Power work, I completely transformed these beliefs and started living from a deeper truth: that I am more than enough, that I don’t have to hussle to prove my worth, that I am deeply wanted. Inside of that new story, I began to relate to myself, life and others in ways that created a totally new reality for me. My relationship with my husband deepened. My mothering became so much more genuine and not rooted in guilt all the time. I healed my adrenal fatigue and burn out. My business started taking off, because I dared to make myself visible in a really authentic way. I started creating, writing and blogging. My blog was awarded one of the top 100 blogs worldwide on homesteading and sustainability! And I began making a huge impact in the world as a coach and leading retreats. Talk about stepping into my destiny!
But I couldn’t have done this by myself. I needed support, guidance, mentorship and community, and this is what we offer in our ten week course.
We will teach you the feminine way of creating, which is very different from the masculine way. We will help you set a powerful intention, where you get crystal clear on what you are most yearning to experience, create and contribute. Many of us are blocked there because we are so disconnected from our deepest desires, or because we are so rooted in non-possibility.
We are then going to identify the gap, the barriers that are in the way of this intention. We are going to get very clear on the pattern that has been keeping you from realizing your deepest desires.
That’s when it gets really powerful and transformational. We will dive deeply underneath your pattern at the level of identity, where you will meet the part of you that is stuck in old, limiting stories, like I’m not enough, I’m alone, I’m invisible, I’m not worthy, I’m not safe.
We will guide you deeply into powerful practices to break through this.
The work is about seeing how this is happening THROUGH you, and not TO you. Many of us are stuck in victimization without even realizing it, but when we take responsibility for how we are showing up with ourselves, others and life, that’s when things can really change.
This can happen fast! We don’t need years and years of therapy or meditating on our cushion to transform this!
Register early, because spaces are limited, and because you get early bird pricing! (By the way, tuition for this course is incredibly affordable, because we want to make sure you can step in!)
Are you a mother nearing the end of active child-raising years, wondering what’s next and how you get there?
Maybe you’ve been homeschooling kids for years and you’re transitioning to a new chapter in your life, personally and professionally.
Are you a mother of younger children, still committed to your caregiving role, but wondering how you’ll return to, or enter, the working world one day? Maybe you’re concerned you’ll be at a loss or disadvantage because of your child-raising years.
Maybe you’re a person, regardless of life stage or roles, who likes personal stories and memoirs of change, transition, growth and stepping into new seasons of life.
I wanted to let you know about a project I am involved in this month.
Second Bloom is a series of conversations hosted and produced by Renee Tougas, conversations with eight women (one of them Yours Truly) around the theme of transitioning to careers and vocations after life seasons of full-time mothering, homeschooling, and homemaking.
I was asked to participate because of my own transition from homeschooling mom into the work I do now.
I was interviewed along with seven other extraordinary ordinary women who have transitioned from homemaking and child-raising careers into training programs, bachelors, and masters degrees; women working in corporate professions, universities, and small businesses; writers, students, guides, helpers, musicians, designers, administrators, managers and healers.
Mothers with kids still at home and actively parenting tweens, teens and young adults. Mothers who have long launched birds from the nest. Mothers who homeschooled for a good portion of their children’s education, and some that didn’t at all. Mothers of two or three, or five or six children. Grandmothers.
All women with a strong commitment to that first career of homemaking and child raising, who have experienced or are experiencing a Second Bloom in midlife.
I am so excited to be a part of this project.
What can we learn together from the life experience and wisdom of women’s stories
You can listen to my segment, where Renee interviews me about my journey, struggles and triumphs here:
Renee Tougas interviewing me about my journey
To find out how you can listen to all eight of these conversations go to:
